CATTLE GUARDS

For those of you who have never traveled to the West or Southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the cattle will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.

A few months ago, President Obama received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . Because Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the guards immediately.

Before the Interior Secretary could respond and presumably straighten him out, Vice-President, Joe Biden intervened with a request that before any guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining.

And we PAY these people???

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RANCH WOMEN

Reasons not to assault a Ranch Woman!

Violence does not scare us...

We ride 1500 pound horses and stare down an alley full of mad, snot slinging cows that weigh over 800 pounds.

We've held down cows that outweigh you by four times. Don't try to intimidate us. Most of our husbands stand a head and shoulders taller than us and out-weigh us by 100 pounds and we aren't scared of them. Why should we be frightened by someone who can't keep their pants up?

Every time we work cows, our husbands threaten us if we don't get out of the gate. They threaten us if we don't stay in the gate. We are pretty much not impressed by threats. Plus if you get much closer, we may give you some threats of our own to consider and be able to back it up.

Don't wave that knife at me boy. I castrate. When we brand, we throw the mountain oysters on the fire and eat them dirt and all. You probably don't want to go there!!!

Don't threaten to steal my pickup. I work for a living so I have insurance. The chances of you being able to drive a standard are next to none and there is no spare. I've walked from the back side of the ranch. I can walk from here.

You want my purse? Take it. It has little money in it because as I mentioned I work for a living. You will find various receipts for feed and vet supplies, some dried up gum and the notice for my next teeth cleaning. The only drugs you will find in there is something that is either aspirin or a calf scour pill but it's been in there so long I've forgotten which one is which.

Don't threaten to hurt me. I may look old and fragile to you, but I can ride horseback for 12 hours with nothing to eat or drink. I have been kicked, bucked off, run over and mucked out. I've had worse things happen to me in the pens than you have experienced in the little gang wars you've been through, and still cooked supper for a crew...

You may whip me son but you'll be a tired and sore SOB in the morning and yes I will remember your face because I am used to knowing which calf belongs to which cow. I'll also remember which direction you went and what you were wearing because I have tracked many a cow with less information than you've given me.

You are not going to scare me with that little 'Saturday Night Special' when I have a .38 in my boot. Don't think I won't shoot you! I've shot several coyotes and numerous rattle snakes. I put down my horse when he broke his leg and shot my pet dog when he killed a calf. Don't think I won't consider you a rabid dog and go on my way.